Trade News Not Heard On The Wire – Dwight Howard For Tim Tebow?


DISCLAIMER:  There are potentially offensive words spoken of Mr. Tim Tebow in the post below that could be deemed offensive to some members of Gator Nation.  If you are unable to hear/read such statements it is recommended that you avoid reading the following piece.   For all others that may be confused by the post, please click here –> satire.

Could the Orlando Magic be looking to make a Superman swap?  According to a few high-level unnamed sources, Orlando General Manager, Otis Smith, is growing ever more frustrated with the lack of leadership in his club.  As beloved as the jovial and good-humored Dwight Howard is to the Magic fan base, his inability to bring a championship home to Orlando has Otis questioning whether or not he is the man of the future.  With Dwight looking to spend his offseason making nice with Shaq and playing Hollywood, the stereotype of Dwight as a kid that just wants to goof around will only continue to be perpetuated.  The Magic are said to be looking to make the type of unconventional move that will help put them over the top.  If the team really hopes to achieve the highest level of NBA success then there is truly only one option that they can plausibly pursue.  Trading Dwight Howard for Tim Tebow.

It has long been said that spending just five minutes with Tim Tebow can change your life forever and the Magic ownership are not naïve to that fact.  The Magic brass are clearly looking to piggy back on the Tebow Charity Express in order to forever change the fortunes of the franchise as they begin their 2010-2011 season in the brand new Amway Center.   Though Tebow is practicing and working hard for the Denver Broncos who drafted him 25th overall in April, he still has yet to sign his rookie contract.  Sources close to Camp Tebow say he is definitely open to returning to the State of Florida and is fully confident that he can translate his heart and hustle style to the basketball court and most importantly, bring his leadership skills to the Orlando Magic.

Measuring at 6’3” and a beefy 240 pounds, Tebow would generally be considered a mere overweight guard by NBA standards.  Luckily, Tebow writes his own standards.  You don’t think Tebro has game? Think again.  According to playground legend, during the summer of 2009 Tebow actually dunked on Lebron James during a pickup game on the mean streets of Akron, Ohio.  There were initially reports that Lebron was so embarrassed by the Tebow dunk, that he had all cell phones, pagers and notepads confiscated and burned in order to shred every ounce of evidence.  You think that 38.5” vertical leap at the NFL combine was a joke?   Put Timmy in a pair of Shape-ups and in a few months he will without a doubt be able to replace the thunderous dunks of Dwight Howard.

In NBA circles, the consensus thus far has been that Tebow is a bigger, less black version of Charlie Ward.  Ward parlayed his 1993 Heisman Trophy into a 10 year NBA career, why can’t Tebow have the same success?  During his college football career, Tebow completed 87% of attempted jump throws shots.  This could/should instantly translate into Tebow being the mid-range nightmare that Magic fans have mistakenly brainwashed themselves into thinking that Brandon Bass is.

Dick Vitale was even quoted recently as saying, “If I was a coach, I would love to have a player like him on my team… To me, Tebow is the kind of guy you want, no matter what the sport is. He is the kind of guy who can take his team into the winner’s circle, baby!”  If a basketball Hall of Famer such as Dickie V gives the thumbs up, armed with his 34-60 career NBA coaching record, then the Magic are obligated to take a look.

And Vitale is right. Tim Tebow is a goldmine. Even Vegas is cashing in, lines have already been set over who can shed more tears over the course of a season, Tebow or Big Baby.

This move would also allow for a rapid expansion of the Magic’s fan base.  With the fresh influx of Alachua and Duval county residents to the Magic Nation, the team will certainly be looking to expand their brand merchandising into the lucrative jean shorts and giant truck decal markets.  It’s been said that Orlando has been trying for years to penetrate the jort industry, but due to heavy lobbying from market leaders Lee and Wrangler, they have been unsuccessful.  Also, the Magic regularly run College Night specials throughout the season which will surely allow them to expand their marketing northward to Gainesville.  You don’t think that Tebow-drunk sorority girls will flock to the Amway Center the same way they flocked to see the latest Sex and the City movie? Like. Duh. Obviously. LDO, they will!  The marketing opportunities for the Magic and Tebow are truly endless.

With all of the rumors that are floating around regarding the Magic’s offseason plans, nobody fully knows what the ever-mysterious Otis Smith will do for sure.  Will the Magic have the bravado to pull the trigger on the Dwight Howard trade and make the type of move that will change the lives of every Magic fan forever? Are the Orlando Magic preparing to bring on-board Gainesville God Timothy Richard Tebow?  If the belief in Dwight has truly faded within the Orlando front office, then don’t be shocked to see a new number 15 in blue and white next season.

For an alternative, much feistier, look at how Tim Tebow could join the Magic read the NBA Draft version here: Orlando Magic to Draft Tim Tebow? «

Brian Serra is the founder of and a contributing blogger at Howard the Dunk.  You can follow/add him on Twitter and on Facebook.